The End of Myself

by: Staci Landis

I always know when I am doing things on my own; when I am living my own way.

I begin to get anxious and unsettled.

I begin to question who I am.

I begin to question my gifts, talents, and passions.

I begin to feel like a failure.

I begin to feel overwhelmed by all that is in front of me. Even the simplest and mundane of tasks.

It is then that I hear God whisper into the depths of my soul. He whispers His truth through a song. I hear Him when I open His word. I hear Him when the warm sunshine falls on my face. I hear Him when the raindrops pitter patter on my rooftop. I hear Him through a photo. I hear Him through a stranger's words. I hear His promises replaying over and over in my mind from the innermost corners of my being.

In these moments, I begin to feel Him tugging at my heart.

I begin to feel His gentle spirit reminding me that I don't have to do "this life" on my own.

I begin to feel His truths.

I begin to understand His ways.

I begin to truly feel how much He loves me.

And then the tears come. The fears escape from my lips. The difficult conversations between a Father and His child begin.

The burdens I have been carrying are in my weak and feeble hands. Yet, I still hold onto them because I think I might be able to do it alone just this once. Even though I know better.

Once again, I find myself admitting that I have taken over. I am trying to do everything on my own. I find myself needing Jesus more and more.

These are the moments that I know He loves me. Oh, how He loves! He loves me so very much that He doesn't let me get too far from Him. He reminds me that I need Him. He reminds me that life is meant to live with Him in the lead. He reminds me that nothing is ever too small or too great to bring to Him. He is everything I need.